Identity is one of the key protective factors for young people (and older people). When you know who you are, you also know who you aren’t.

To gain a good identity, you need to do some exploring. This means you have to try things on. Do I like this music? Do I like wearing pink? Am I an artsy person? People need space to try things on and see if they ‘fit’. This doesn’t mean they can engage with things and constantly quit, it just means they don’t get stuck in anything they chose at one time. Even when you are older, it is important to keep an open mind and keep exploring your strengths.

When you have a secure identity, you make good choices. If you know part of your identity is that you don’t make fun of people, then when others do, you don’t engage. If you know that you don’t do drugs, then when others do, you feel less inclined to take part. Knowing what is in and out of your identity comes from conversations and experiences. If you have never thought of it before (do I make fun of others?), then when you are in that situation, you aren’t so sure of your choices. Talk through some of the key values your children need to consider.

Finally, the greatest problem with identity is that young people reject parts that they think others may not like. This means that they reject who they are. Encourage them to celebrate all parts – you like swimming in winter? That is awesome! You like saving animals? Go you. You don’t like sports and you are a boy, all good! Help them to understand that their gifts are unique to them and are required in this world. Comparison can make us reject ourselves – I am not like them, so I am no good. But actually…it is the differences that make our communities work.

Be open, explore, and be curious. Every human I have met is unique and amazing. Often, they just haven’t allowed their real self to be revealed.

Dr Mandie Shean
College Psychologist